Rosemary teaches science in both streams of P4 (about 200 students total, 100 per classroom) and is also the Senior Woman teacher. She is an enthusiastic teacher and a joyful person, and has a very compassionate worldview. She loves to laugh, and she's an inspiration with the way she captures the attention of the pupils. And she always makes time for my questions!
As part of the School Profile Tool that Peace Corps assigned each of us to complete, I conducted an interview with Rosemary, which actually turned into a two hour conversation. I'm grateful to Peace Corps for sparking that, since we don't often make time during the day to just sit and talk (as my school has no staff room so teachers are really only near each other during lunch, which is a big group setting).
I want to add, this has been published here with Rosemary's knowledge and blessing!
Rosemary has been a teacher since 2004, but was teaching at a private school from 2004-2013, when she began teaching at government schools. She made this change because government schools pay even during the holidays, unlike private schools. Also, at government schools, you are able to retire at 60 with a pension, and there are no such benefits at a private school.
Rosemary's mother was a teacher, so she has teaching in her blood, she says. She aspires to be an MP someday, but does not think she will be able to because she is a Bagisu living in Teso Region, she would have to return to her home in order to have any hope of being elected.
Rosemary grew up around Nakeloke (a town only a few minutes by taxi from where we live now), and left when she got married. This prompted me to jokingly ask "Oh, how many cows?" which turned out to be the best possible thing I could have said, because it launched us into a discussion of the dowry system here.
Usually, in the Teso Region of Eastern Uganda, a woman is given in marriage in exchange for the groom giving her family a predetermined amount of cows, goats, and money. The "price" of each woman is determined by a variety of factors, the most important of which seems to be her level of education. (All of this information was told to me by both my language trainer, Beatrice, and my host mom, Toto Marion.) A woman who is educated can cost something like 10 cows, 7 goats, and 4 million shillings (Each cow is worth about 1 million shillings, and 1 million shillings is the equivalent of about $300 in America, so getting married is clearly very expensive). A woman who gets pregnant young, and has to drop out of school, will be married for something like one or two cows and maybe 1 million shillings.
Rosemary's situation is very unique. Her father did not want any cows, or money, or anything else. In her words, he said he was not "selling" his child. Because of this, Rosemary says she is able to discuss things with her husband as an equal; he does not "own" her. When there is a decision to be made, they sit at the table and talk it through. She said that if it ever became necessary, they would be able to continue on their own journeys separately.
This is important because that's not how it usually is here, traditionally. My host mother taught me a lot about the dowry system here in Eastern Uganda, and her opinion was that when a man pays for his wife he feels like the master of her. Anything she earns or produces—including her children—belongs to him.
Rosemary pointed out that the high dowry fee often means that the husband becomes poor in paying for his wife, while it's her parents who are wealthy off of what he had earned. This can cause tension in the marriage, as the husband resents the wife and her parents. Along with this, of the wife chooses to go back to her home, the husband can demand back the dowry he paid. Often, the wife's parents no longer have it, as it has been used to buy wives for their own sons or could even have been eaten, in the case of cows or goats.
Rosemary's voice broke, and I had tears in my own eyes, as she told me of one story in particular. It was about the sister of a teacher at our own school. She was being abused horribly by her husband, so she went home to her parents and told them "If you send me back there, I will die." Then, her husband came to them, demanding his cows back. Her father did not want to send her back to her husband, but he also no longer had the finances to pay back the dowry. Her father could not cope with this decision, poisoned himself, and died. Rosemary said this is only one of many problems with the dowry system.
Rosemary's is an important perspective on the dowry system, but it is one perspective only. She has a happy marriage without having had a dowry, but I want to emphasize that that doesn't mean all marriages with the dowry are unhappy ones. Both of my host mothers were married in the traditional way, with a dowry, and although both are widowed now they speak of their marriages and husbands with happiness in their eyes. My language trainer, Beatrice, proudly told us how many cows her husband paid for her. She often tells us stories of her rambunctious children, and in my opinion she lives a very happy life.
It is not for me to judge, or to label the dowry system with an overarching "bad" or "good." Just as any system that humans create, it is multifaceted and deeply complex. It is an important part of the culture here, though, as marriage is in almost every society. I hope to share with you all as I learn more about it, and I hope that you also can take my conversation with Rosemary for what it is—one perspective, one story. Each woman I meet here has a different experience with marriage, and I hope to get to know more of them at the level where I can learn each of their unique perspectives.
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Fascinating story. I could almost feel the pages of the calendar flipping back, yet paying a dowry is as everyday there as the sunrise. I am glad we don't have the dowry system here, or I'd still be paying for your mom, she is such an intelligent person. And yet, we'd probably get about a bazillion cows for you, you too are such a smart woman. But what would they trade for a vegetarian? Keep writing! We love you and love reading.
ReplyDeleteI don't know Rosemary, but by your telling her story, I feel as though I do. I enjoyed learning about her and the Dowry System and especially liked your emphasis on this being one story and not judging. We can all learn from that, because it really isn't about "good" or "bad", it is about choices and what we make of them.
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